I and some people have always known that im not an academic person. I'm very mediocre and may just scrape on a 2;1 but I've never been an A or 1st class student. As the years have gone by I have always just gotten enough to make it to the next stage but even doing that was very hard. I feel like im stuck between a rock and a hard place because I try very hard but I'm never ever good enough.
I want to be a fashion stylist which has nothing to do with what I'm doing know so I just feel like im wasting everyones time and money on a degree that has nothing to do with the career that I aim to achieve. Uni is so hard for me right now and im always complaining on twitter and to people and I just feel like others and myself are sick and tired of hearing me moan about it.
A few of my friends have been there for me but I just feel like the people that should aren't really there but that is no fault of their own because everyone has their own life to live I guess. I just feel like nobody understands...
There are so many personal battles going on right now that are making my degree even harder than it needs to be and to be honest I feel just like giving up even though I've got two months left! I also feel like everyone is making it out that im being really dramatic but university really not that easy! I have a 15,000 dissertation a 3,500 word essay two 3,000 and 5 exams to complete in two months! There is just NO time!
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Today I posted this picture on instagram (melswardrobe) which basically depicts exactly how I feel. Like yeah haha its funny but after I make these jokes I just go back into my depressed ways and feel alone again because the situation remains!
Everyone has this 'get on with' it mentality and that's just not for me. I have faith in the lord and I pray but prayer and worry do not coincide so right now my prayers feels useless.
Its amazing because I never heard anyone else in there final years complain like this but I guess every one is different. I just feel like I'm going to be disappointing a lot of people on graduation day which makes all of this that much more worse...
Sorry that I'm not doing as many blogposts as I said this is one of the reasons why so I hope you guys understand. Thanks for coming on here and leaving such lovely comments. You guys actually put a smile on my face!
If any other people feel discourage by education lets run away to the mountains and feed the billy goats with our essays!
Hope all is well
Mel x
I don't know whats going on in the air today, reading these posts and it's exactly how I have been feeling toay. I am doing a fashion course like I wanted to, but now I'm terrified of whats going to happen after uni...sigh
ReplyDeleteFirstly, LOL! mate feeding them billy goats sounds like a good idea.
ReplyDeleteand le sigh final year is way daunting.
J x
I can really relate to what you just said, I also want to be a stylist/designer, and my degree has nothing to do with what i want to do, so it can be very hard , and
ReplyDeleteI feel very unmotivated at times; but finishing and knowing that even through all the obstacles around you, that you defeated them and got where you wanted to be, will make feel that much better, because at the end of the day with God no one can ever tell you your not good enough or smart enough for this. Also i read your blog regularly and its motivating, i don't have a proper one yet, but you've motivated me to do that; I think you'll find that when you get the profession you want it will make sense why everything is so hard. it's hard for us as humans to realise the impact we make, but nothing you're doing is in vain; sorry for the essay, what you said just moved me.
Ah M.B its so nice to know that someone is on the same page as me! I relate to everything that you've said it definitely is hard but im starting to see that it'll definitely be worth it! God definitely makes me feel better about the situation and once he says yes nobody can ever say no! you should start up a proper blog I would really love to see it! If you need any help on starting one up e-mail me at melswardrobe@hotmail.co.uk and I will do whatever is in my power to help you! let me know and thank you once again xx
ReplyDeleteHonestly, this is meant in the most constructive way possible.
ReplyDeleteThis is your last year so obviously it's going to be the hardest and that is of course going to frustrate you more and bring out the concerns and doubts you have about your degree and that's fine.
But the best thing you can do right now is try your hardest to get that 2:1 giving up now will mean all that hard work you've put in over the past years will go to waste and lets face it it's not cheap to study another degree now.
Also once you get you 2:1 which I am sure you will if you persevere. You can do ANYTHING you want. You can intern at fashion magazines, set up photoshoots through model mayhem etc. You can still be a stylist that door isn't shut on you.
You can do whatever you want when you finish this degree and if you need anything to motivate you to finish let it be that.
x x good luck
p.s. sometimes friends aren't there when you most need them but that's ok dealing with hard things on your own makes you a hell of alot stronger as a person.
everything that you have said is true! Thank you x
ReplyDelete